Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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