Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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