I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
