you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
