I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
