Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
