So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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