Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
