Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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