Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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