matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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