now i know why i became what i already was.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
