i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
