I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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