I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
