Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We are all done wearing pants today
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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