He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
