what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
