he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
