if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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