I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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