i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
