Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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