Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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