I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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