i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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