nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh god it's open bar.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
