Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
