I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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