C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
