I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The adults are the big ones right?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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