She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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