Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
