Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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