I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
