mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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