It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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