maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
