It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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