Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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