We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
