Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
