he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
