he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
