i permit you to call me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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