KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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