I think my fart just growled at me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
