i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
