god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
