But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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