i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think your dad took our porno
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
