dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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