Need sex. Gaining weight.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize