Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
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This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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