I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
