my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
