Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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