he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize