I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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