I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
