I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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