the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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