I must be too annoying 4 u.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
