Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
