maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I want a musical about memes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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