textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
well you can't waste a boner
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
