I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Enjoy the penises
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
