some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and she was petting her beer can
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
