good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
