I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
