just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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