so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
