I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
