my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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