Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
