He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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