So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
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I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
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Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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