WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
