Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
