we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
