Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize